Add Zero
Adapted by William Helms from The Adding Machine by Elmer Rice
***
Dedicated to Elmer Rice: I am terribly sorry for mutilating your perfect script.
The screen is completely black. A slow human voice begins counting “one, two, three, four, five, six” and continues. Gradually, it fades out and is replaced by a mechanical voice, which gets faster louder, and harder.
More voices overlap with it, reading news articles, web addresses, presidential speeches, everything. Some of the voices are backward or distorted.
The voices become louder, quicker, and more aggressive until a loud bang goes off and they are suddenly silent.
Scene one.
We see Mr. Zero’s eyes open. He looks around. He is in a break room with all his co-workers discussing whatever accountants do idk. An annoying electric hum fills the office
Title card: ADD ZERO
Shot of Mr. Zero’s nameplate on his desk
Mr. Zero sits at a desk opposite Daisy
Daisy
Three ninety-eight, forty-two cents,
Zero
Ey, speed up, won’t ya?
Daisy
(Looks up) What’s the hurry? There’s always tomorrow. We do the same thing every day, what's the rush?
Zero
scoffs Just count faster.
Daisy: count it yourself then. You always give me so many orders
Zero
Women. All the same
Daisy: What did you just say?
Mr. Zero looks down.
Nothing.
(pause)
You know I’m expecting to be promoted soon.
Daisy: You? Promotion? Some use you’ll be.
Zero: Just you watch.
Daisy
One of these days I’ll finally quit this damnable job.
Zero
I’ll be glad to see ya–
Boss walks by
Zero (having noticed the boss)
I do say, I love being an accountant! This positively, most definitely the most impeccable occupation I've ever operated!
Daisy
Quite so, Quite so. In fact, I am so inclined as to-
Boss leaves
Daisy
I fucking hate this job.
Later Zero is filling mug with coffee
Zero
(under his breath) You know my wife was coughing this morning. Maybe she’s dying. Hope so anyway. Maybe I could… No. Where would I get a pistol anyway? But a man can dream…
The camera cuts away to show coffee overflowing from his cup and spilling all over his hand.
A brief time later, co-workers chatter
While walking back to his cubicle, Mr. Zero is called into his boss’s office
Boss
So, Mr… Mr…
Zero
Zero.
Boss
Yes. Mr. Zero, I wanted to talk with you.
Zero
(grinning) Yes, sir, I’ve been expecting it!)
How long have you been working for this company?
Mr. Zero
25 years in total sir. Never even missed a day
Boss
So you’ve been doing the same work for the company for 25 full years Mr…
Zero
Zero. And yep, that’s right!
The Boss
Well in that case I guess a change could do you some good.
Zero
yes sir, I think it could!
The Boss: well this change has been a long time coming. We’ve been thinking about it ever since the invention of the Adding Machine.
Zero
Adding Machine?
The Boss: Yes, the Adding Machine! I’m sure you’ve heard of them, They automatically-
Zero
Yes, I’ve heard of them, what about them?
Boss
Well, we’ve purchased a couple of them. Now of course we hate to lose a loyal employee, but-
Zero
Lose a loyal- LOSE A LOYAL EMPLOYEE? I have worked this job for TWENTY FIVE years and you replace me with a damnable MACHINE? Any schmuck can operate a machine but what I have? I have talent! I’ve been doing this longer than anyone!
Boss
would it make you feel better to see the machine?
Zero
See the machine? Wha- No!
Boss
Alright then. Goodbye!
Zero
Wait, fine, show me the machine.
Zero and boss enter the It is visually abstract, with odds and ends poking out of it. It should look really out of place. The Boss and Zero stare at it other for a few moments.
Zero: What the hell is this?
Boss: The adding Machine! Isn’t it marvelous
Zero: It’s… something.
Boss: Mr… Mr. One was it?
Zero: mr. Zero.
Boss: Yes, yes, Mr. Zebra, what's 72 plus 84 minus 65 times 11 divided by 30 plus 4 to the power of 14?
Zero: Um…
Boss: Adding machine, What’s 72 plus 84 minus 65 times 11 divided by 30 plus 4 to the power of 14?
Adding Machine: 2952790107.
Zero: That’s impossible! You can’t replace me with that!
Boss: can you do this?
He snaps and the machine morphs into a tea kettle. The boss snaps again and it becomes a donkey. It turns from a computer to a little green man to a very, very large chihuahua, back to the machine it was before.
Zero: Look, you can’t replace me with this thing! Sure it might have speed but I’ve got– well I’ve got– just– you understand, don’t you? You have to understand!
Cut to Mr. Zero standing on the street outside the building.
Title Card: HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND.
Zero turns and looks back at the building. Sinister music plays, and a mechanical voice can be heard counting in the background.
Scene 2
Zero walks into his home. There are a few small red saints on his shirt
Mrs. Zero.
You're late! Where have you been? We have company this evening, change into something nice. What’s on your shirt?
Zero.
Um… Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice.
Mysterious commercial jingle
Ocean Spray cranberry juice! Buy some today!
Zero
I’ll go change
Mrs. Zero
Zero, It’s the nineteen twenties. Ocean Spray won’t be founded for another ten years.
Zero
Wait Real-
The film becomes black and white, and the characters talk in slideshows with text like a 20s silent film. Ragtime piano begins playing
Slide: Ding dong
Mrs. Zero walks to the door and opens it. Zero walks upstairs to change. The guests enter.
Mrs. One
How d’ya do Mrs. Zero!
Mrs. Two (still talking to Mr. Five)
…and instead of butter on his corn muffin, guess what he put?
Mr. Three
Lovely place Mrs. Zero!
Mr. four
Why is everything in black and white?
Mr. Five (Still in conversation with Mrs. Two)
…and he was airborne for ten minutes! That’s how he got the nickname Ross!
Six
This whole silent film thing is getting irritating.
The audio goes back to normal, but the film is still black and white and the ragtime keeps playing
Mr. Zero comes back downstairs in a clean shirt.
The ragtime Jazz becomes Ominous and disturbing
Mr. Zero’s internal monologue
I killed him, hehehe, I’ve killed him. Got away with it too! But I’ve got to keep my cool. Nobody knows How crazy I am. Nobody suspects A thing. I’m a genius. Everyone thinks I’m normal. EVERYONE!
Cut to Mr. Four and Mr. Five standing in the middle of the room looking at Mr. Zero mumbling to himself in the corner and rocking back and forth disturbingly
The ragtime resumes.
Mr. Five
Man, he’s crazy
Mr. Four
Not normal
Mr. Five
Bet he’s killed someone
Cut back to Mr. Zero and play the ominous music
Zero
Nobody suspects a thing
Back to Five and Four
Police sirens begin blaring. Everyone looks out the window. There is a loud knock at the door.
Zero.
So they have figured it out.
He walks slowly to the door.
It’s to do with me. I’ll go.
Mrs. Zero
Wait, Stop! What’s happening?
Mr. Zero
I’m sorry dear. You’ll have to dry the dishes without me.
Mrs. Zero
Wait! Just hold on a minute! Tell me what’s happening! Wai–
Shot of Mr. Zero sitting in a courtroom.
Title card: He did not wait.
Scene 3
Zero and his lawyers are in a courtroom. The air is filled with chatter
Lawyer
I’ve heard talk of someone putting something other than butter on their corn muffins! Outrageous!
Lawyer
I have this friend named Ross. He was once airborn for ten minutes. Can you believe that?
Lawyer
Zero you need to help us help you! We’re trying to clear your name, but–
Judge
Order!
Everyone falls silent.
Please bear in mind that the kid writing the script of the film you’re watching has no idea how court works. With that said, will the defendant please give their rebuttal?
Lawyer
If it may please your honor, the so-called bloodstains on the shirt my client was wearing at the time of the murder were clearly from Ocean Spray Cranberry juice.
Mysterious Comercial jingle
Ocean Spray Cranberry ju–
Lawyer
Cut it out, we already did the cranberry juice bit. This is serious. As I was saying–
Zero
Nope, they were blood. From the guy I killed, remember?
Lawyer nudges Zero
Judge
Even if Mr. Zero here hadn’t openly admitted to the crime, Ocean Spray won’t be founded for another 10 years! It’s the 1920s remember?
Lawyer
Wait wha–
The whole slide show dialogue black and white ragtime piano thing happens again.
Lawyer
No, stop, we aren’t doing this again.
The whole slide show dialogue black and white ragtime piano thing stops happening
Lawyer
Your honor, my client clearly had no ill will towards his employer–
Zero
‘Course I had ill will! Why else would I a’ killed him? Gee, you lawyers aren’t very bright at all, are you?
The lawyer puts his head in his hands.
Zero
This is going great!
Judge
GUILTY! I sentence Mr. Point D. Zero To death.
Zero
Now… Now hold on just a minute, DEATH? I mean thought I might go to jail or something but DEATH? C- c’mon now, you’ve got to see reason. I wouldn’t do a thing like that! I mean I really wouldn’t, see? Look at me, I don’t look like a murderer, do I? I mean hell, even If I did it, Is that so wrong? That wretched old man tried to replace me with a MACHINE! A damnable adding machine! So I had no choice but to do it, see? I mean suppose you was me. That was my only job! I HAD to do it, don’t you see! Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t y–
Shot of a gravestone with Mr. Zero’s name
Title card: They didn’t.
Young woman
You took me to a graveyard to have our picnic!?
Young man
Not just any graveyard, look.
Gestures to Zero’s grave
Young woman.
Point D. Zero… Isn’t that that guy who killed your friend a few months back?
The young man and woman continue talking and joking. The mechanical counting begins again. A giant rumbling like a bass drum slowly begins to build. The mechanical voice becomes more and more chaotic. The rumbling comes to a climax and resolves with a bang.
A close-up shot of Zero’s eye opening.
Scene four.
Zero stands up. Everything around him is completely white. The wind blows gently. He stands there for a moment, looking around.
A loud sneeze. (all sound should echo) Zero turns around in surprise.
Zero
Who was that?
The plague
Nothing to be afraid of, just me.
The plague is a roughy human-shaped dark entity.
The plague
I didn’t frighten you, did I?
Zero (clearly frightened)
No, no. I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting there to be… other people.
The plague
Newcomer, huh?
Zero
Yeah… I guess so.
The plague
Well, don’t worry. I’ll keep you company.
They sit down on the white void below them.
The plague
Helps keep the mosquitoes away. So what’s your name, Mr…?
Zero
Maybe it’d be better not to tell you my name. You might not want me as company if you knew what I’d done.
The plague
Nonsense. We dead folk don’t care much for earthly business, good or bad. And believe me. However great your sins were, I can assure you, they are snowflakes compared to mine.
Zero
Hah. Think again. My name is Point D. Zero. I’ve killed a man.
The plague
Oh yes, plenty of murderers come here. Quite pleasant folk to be around. Once they’re dead, of course.
Zero
So what did you do?
The plague
Killed someone. And a few others. A few million others. 1347 to 351 were a good couple of years
Zero
Millions? My god, who on earth are- were you?
The plague
A plague. A disease. I come from vermin and garbage.
Zero
You mean…you weren’t a person?
The plague has since taken off its mask
The Plague
No. I am not like you. Where your conscience is weighed by one sin, my conscience is sin. You had a choice to come here. You are here because of something you did. I was always bound to come here. I am here because of something I am.
Zero (facing away from The Plague)
So… I guess this is hell?
The Plague
Only for some. For me, it is no different than another life. Only here I can rest knowing I cannot hurt anyone.
Zero
So you mean-
Zero turns around to see that The Plague no longer stands behind him. Instead, a vast ocean stretches before him—tiny waves lapping at his feet over the blank white floor. Zero just stares at it for a moment, hesitating. The lighting becomes slightly more yellow.
Zero turns from the water and walks. He hears voices, first in the distance, then they grow closer and closer. Then he comes upon something. A vast field of infinite office cubicles. Office workers mill about. Both mechanical and human counting can be heard everywhere.
Zero
Where in the hell–
ssoB (ssoB looks and sounds exactly like Zero’s former Boss)
Newcomer, Huh?
Zero
Yes, I think so. Where am-
ssoB
Right. Get to work then, we don’t have all of eternity.
Zero
Get to work on– on what exactly? Hey, you look just like–
ssoB
No time. Come this way, please. I’ll show you to your cubicle.
They pass hundreds of office workers buzzing about and talking. Some of them should be famous dead public figures. Every clock in the office space moves rapidly in circles
Office worker #1
Put I what guess? Muffin corn my on butter of instead and!
Everywhere, office workers mill around at huge clunky machines (AI-generated.) Rows and rows of adding machines buzz and whir. Mechanical voices never stop counting and repeating absurdly large numbers.
Zero
Adding machines! These things? What use do you have for them here?
ssoB
Aint you caught on yet? We use these ones to operate the ones down on Earth.
Zero
Down on… Wait if this isn’t Earth, where is this
Office worker #2
And he was Ross for ten minutes! That’s how he got the nickname airborne.
Zero
Say, Boss, I’m real sorry about what happened down on earth. S- Surely we can–
ssoB
‘Fraid you’ve mistaken me for someone else kid. Here’s where you’ll work. Not a lot of time. Gotta go.
Zero
Wait, surely you could just tell me where-
ssoB leaves. Zero sits down at his desk. Across from him is someone who looks and sounds exactly like Daisy. On her nameplate is written “ysiaD” There is a nameplate
Zero
Daisy! God, it's good to see a familiar face. You’ll never believe where I’ve been and who I’ve just talked to. Wait- how did you end up here anyway?
ysiaD (in a completely monotone voice)
There is no Daisy in this office. Sit down and work please, to increase the output of this great company.
Zero
Sorry, Miss, I coulda’ sworn you were– never mind. So, what exactly are we working on Miss… Eesa– Iesia
ysiaD
Miss ysiaD. (this will be a reversed sound byte of someone saying “Daisy”
Zero
Right. Miss (the sound byte plays again,) what are we working on?
ysiaD slides a device that looks something like a microscope with a keyboard attached to it over to Zero. Zero looks into it. We see through the lens:
We look down into the microscope onto the back room where Zero’s boss first showed him the adding machine.
ysiaD
Feel free to pause time on Earth whenever you need to.
Zero
Um… Okay then
In the microscope, he sees Himself and his boss(dressed exactly the way they were in the scene where his boss showed him the machine)
Past Boss
Yes, yes, Mr. Zebra, whats 72 plus 84 minus 65 times 11 divided by 30 plus 4 to the power of 14?
Past Zero
Um…
Past Boss
Adding machine, What’s 72 plus 84 minus 65 times 11 divided by 30 plus 4 to the power of 14?
Zero (the present Zero, the one looking into the microscope) hits a button. A big red pause button interrupts the scene with Past Zero and his past boss.) He types in some numbers on his keyboard. The correct answer is displayed on a screen near the machine.
Zero
2952790107
Past Adding Machine
2952790107.
Past Zero
That’s impossible! You can’t replace me with that!
Present Zero looks up from the microscope at ysiaD
Zero
So, operating these things? That’s what we do?
ysiaD says nothing, she is busy looking into her device.
Zero
Funny, I guess it was really me who took my own job. And to think I took it out on my poor boss when all along I took my own promotion. (looks at camera) It’s almost like I’m responsible for the outcome of my own future! (looks away from the camera) nah.
ysiaD looks up when she hears this. A distant light is in her eyes. The lighting becomes ever so slightly more vibrant and blue.
ysiaD
Promotion… you were… going to get a promotion… You’re– You’re Zero! My name is D– D– Dai...
No. My name is ysiaD. You are oreZ. We have never met each other.
She goes back to her work. The lighting returns to normal. Zero looks back into the microscope and starts typing away at the keyboard. After a while, there is a loud buzzer. The lighting in the room turns red. He tries again, but the buzzing recurs.
ysiaD (panicked)
Quickly you fool, fix it! Before they find us!
Zero
Before who finds us? What are you talking about?
ysiaD
Do you know what happens when there’s a malfunction?
Zero
Of course not, I just got here! Now tell me what’s happening!
ysiaD hits a button on her desk. A panel opens in the wall revealing an adding machine. Zero walks over to it. A screen displays: PAST LIFE INCOMPATIBLE. PLEASE GO BACK, UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AS A PERSON, AND TRY AGAIN.
Zero
Is past life incompatible? What does that mean? My past life?
ssoB (from the distance)
Hey, what’s going on in there?
ysiaD punches buttons on the machine frantically.
Zero turns to find two police officers behind him.
Zero
How the hell did you get here?
The police officers seize him.
Zero
Wait, hold on, I just got here, you gotta understand, I’m new, you need to let me go! Let me go! Please, Let me-
Cut to Zero, sitting in a white void.
Title card: THEY DIDN’T LET HIM GO.
Scene five.
Zero
H- hello?
No answer
Where am I? They said they were going to let me talk to someone in my final minutes. Is anyone here?
Silence. Finally, a slide (like the ones used for dialogue in the 1920’s bit appears)
Slide
Hello child.
Zero stares up at whoever seems to be speaking to him
Slide
I am sorry we have to do this again,
but I love you too much not to give you another chance.
Zero
The machine said- said- what did it say?
Slide
Don’t worry about the machine, little one. Machines do not exist. They are only an extension of you, and you are an extension of me.
Zero
You mean to tell me that… that your some kind of-
Slide
Creator? Yes. God, no. I make. I do not dictate.
Zero
But you’re dictating now, ain't you? I mean why do I have to go wherever you're sending me? Can’t I just stay here?
Slide
I am not sending you anywhere. You have chosen to go.
Maybe you don’t know it yet, but you want to go back.
A beat
Slide
Here, maybe this will help:
Zero’s 3D model’s rig becomes exposed.
You creations seem to think of yourselves as just that: creations.
A beat. Mr. Zero stares upwards, completely unmoving. Dead looking. The lighting engine in blender is now turned off.
You think that I make you, and then you exist only how you have been made, and you think that once you are destroyed you are gone.
The white void backdrop is gone. Zero now stands on a grey plain with a grid on the floor (The default blender space thingy) Zero’s 3D model has decreased slightly in polygons.
Slide
But that just isn’t true! You are not real because I made you, you are real because I thought to make you! You are alive in my head, not in your flesh!
A beat.
Slide
Your physical forms were never you; they were just ways for me to keep track of you. I’ve got an awful lot going on in my head, you know.
Now a photo of the storyboard: a picture of zero staring upwards. Then footage of the voice actors recording.
Zero (footage of Zero’s voice actor)
You mean we’re all just…
As Zero pauses, a photo of drawings for his character design is shown on screen. Cut to Go-Pro footage of a writer at his desk, looking at a Word document. On the document is already written the following:
Zero:
You mean we’re all just…
Now the writer types out:
The creator:
Words? Yes.
Still focusing on the footage of the writer, but with sound returning. The writer types:
The creator:
You are all just the sound of my voice
Fade to white. When the camera comes back into focus, everything has returned to normal. Zero is fully rendered again.
Zero (looking down)
I don’t want to go back there
Slide
You never left.
Zero fades out of the scene. A baby can be heard crying. A mother begins to sing in the distance. A slight warm heugh lights the white void before a gust of wind blows it away.
Slide
What are you still looking at?
As the slide displays, the mechanical voice plays one final time.
Mechanical Voice
37
31
29
23
19
17
13
11
7
5
3
2
A sharp bang. Lights out. Black screen. Complete silence
Mechanical voice
ZERO
END.
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